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What time zone is this?

I am always trying to remain "present". Always.  Turns out I suck at it.  If we examine the physics of action to thought we can quickly learn that an action/emotion/decision is made before we register that is has happened... we are ALWAYS in the past. With each cognition we recognize that we had there was an action/decision/emotion that was the cause.  Picture a match. When we strike the match there is a a brief moment where that light from the flicker of fire traveling from stick to eyes is invisible. (Speed of light). Same for sounds. We never see it in present time, we se it in the fastest time that our minds can process. We can call this a...

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What the fuck IS love?

If you grew up christian, like me, you have likely been told that "love is a verb, not a noun". I remember being told that if I don't "love" (noun) my partner then I am definitely failing at "loving" (verb) them.  I hated this sentiment. It does not make sense to me. It is easy for me to love others, and give to others, and help and serve and and and and and ... others.  It is hard to love me. I mean, I "love" (noun) me but I have such a hard time "loving" (verb) me. I struggle taking showers, exercising, eating... on and on but yet I am proud of who I am, what I have accomplished, what...

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Hardest and Shittiest Run yet.

This blog contains moments and thoughts that I do not share on social media, only with those in the LionHeart Family. This one is vulnerable but so needed for not only myself but for the whole world.  I ran today. Yay. .6 miles and it only took 14 minutes. (insert chortle here) As soon as you're done laughing I will share the back story. I have CPTSD, endured horrible abuse that sped up my auto-immune issues activating my osteoarthritis and rapid bone degeneration. So... Pain, all day everyday. Here is a less than complete bullet point summery of my life since 2020.  Healthy, happy, running 4 miles a day, 16 credit semesters, top of class, mom, downhill skating, toughing old...

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My dad gave money to a begger

My dad is seventy years old. White hair, slow gait, lots of sighs and many stumbles as he goes. in. He still shares his staunch right wing politics beside his religious testimony any chance he can and this day was no exception. We spoke about the state of America, Roe V Wade, my kids, the weather, the quality of the food we ordered and a lot about Mom.  "She won't die." He said. "I gave her a blessing. God told me she won't die and I still have a strong belief, unshakable actually, that the church is true." He is LDS and raised us in the church, I have since left. "You know that too." he added. Gotta love someone...

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On second thought... or second glance

First thought.I flew out of my home state at midnight Friday night to arrive in Ohio early Saturday morning. I made it to my mothers bedside around noon where she promptly asked me to take Dad to lunch. (She needed a break) Dad and I didn't struggle to converse much and spoke frankly about life, religion, politics and family. He seemed genuinely interested in my life work as well as the giant differences I have found between Math/logic minds and the majority of the world. There were a couple moments that became awkward when he shared his personal belief in the form of a fact that, "people are not born gay." I winced and replied, "errrrrr, lets not go there."...

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