What the fuck IS love?

If you grew up christian, like me, you have likely been told that "love is a verb, not a noun". I remember being told that if I don't "love" (noun) my partner then I am definitely failing at "loving" (verb) them. 

I hated this sentiment. It does not make sense to me. It is easy for me to love others, and give to others, and help and serve and and and and and ... others. 

It is hard to love me. I mean, I "love" (noun) me but I have such a hard time "loving" (verb) me. I struggle taking showers, exercising, eating... on and on but yet I am proud of who I am, what I have accomplished, what I do and what I am doing. Very confusing. It is the exact opposite issue than what I was told was wrong when I shared that I don't feel love with/for my partner at that time and was instructed to "love" (verb) them. Well, at that time I did EVERYTHING for my partner and the family. (Yes, I am sure it was not the literal "everything" but holy shit I did the major amount of all that was needed) And yet I didn't love them. I just longed for their love and acceptance ~ 

So here is where I think I found meaning: 

Loving (Noun) can be had with out "loving" (verb)

"Loving" (verb) can be done with out "love" (noun) 

"Loving" (verb) doesn't always lead to "love" (noun) 

"Love" (noun) doesn't motivate one to "loving" (verb) 


Ok, see how this took a while to come to grips with what was being learned...

Here is what I discovered. Neither of these things are love. 

This is feelings + actions. 

Yin+Yang In order to actually love you need both. Give/feel/recieve. 

Maybe the philosophers of old would say the noun and the verb ARE love and when both it becomes AGAPE. 


I don't know yet. What I do know is that I am now, from this day forward, choosing to both "love" (noun) myself and "love" (verb) myself. 

I choose to take back my power. Stand in my self esteem and be the true lindy again. 

More than the feeling and the words I use to myself often I am running again. 

Here are my "loving" verbs:

Strong. Running. Hiking. Picking up kids will not be the hard physically exertion of the day. Brave, saying what I want and when. Actively loving myself by showers, brushing teeth and taking time for music again. Loud loud music. Reading, growing, singing and being loudly vulnerable. 


IT IS TIME. heheee

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