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Welcome to the new crib!

I wanted to share with you all my new art space! I have been working and building, organizing and burning the candle on both ends to make a space that not only can I be fully creative in but also on top of things and organized! I have built systems and schedules (SO HARD WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN ABUSED) I have been pushing myself while affirming to my soul that I can do this daily.  I have started designing some new products as well! Keep those eyes peeled!    I love you family! lindy

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I had to learn to surf.

When I turned 18 my best friend gifted me a snowboard set up to use while he served a mission for the LDS church. This gift was the beginning of a major life passion for me. Within a year I was living in Utah as a sponsored snowboarder, working at a resort as well as a snowboard shop. I lived and breathed boarding.  Then the snow melted. It was horrible. My snowboarding with-drawls kicked in. I longed for the sound of the snow off my chest again. Whilst sitting outside a shop pouting I saw two boys skateboard by on longboards and a light bulb went off in my head. Within a week I owned my first deck that lead...

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Imposter Syndrome

Its two days before my surgery. I am terrified. I need to write a blog post as I haven't for a time. I do this thing:  Miss a deadline or a goal and pile shame and guilt on my shoulders. Then that guilt is so big I cannot admit it or face it so I keep hiding from it making that shame and guilt grow exponentially.    Just me?    It's brutal. I do it all the time in most all categories of life. There is a pressure that magically jumps on my back when a need is at hand. The longer this pattern continues the harder it is for me to end it.    I have not written for...

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kill the Pavlov in you.

I realized that trauma has a tendency to make one selfish. I call it "trauma-selfishness". This is a survival skill that is essential while with our abusers that quickly turns into a relationship breaker when you are with a safe person. What kept you alive in the past will tear up your safe-real relationship.  Some of these things are: Fighting for your needs to be met.      This was essential in the past. Abusers require you to fight your heart out to have time to take a shower. They expect you to demand your needs, so that they can re-activly abuse you, and still not give them to you. It could take me a week of whining, begging, crying,...

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Lies that are not lies

I was once an accolade chaser. I needed big awards to pack around with me and even tempted to exaggerate them (as if they were not enough) in ways that made them seem bigger than they were but not out and out lying. "I taught sea kayaking in Alaska,” I would say. Welp ~ I had a job to teach sea kayaking in tour trips up in Alaska and only made it two weeks. My boss turned out to be a creepy MF that made passes at the girls he hired … and we lived in little cottages with him so I decided to head home. My parents made me feel that I was such a failed-wild-adventurer. They made me...

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